More accidents are caused by pickled drivers than traffic jams.

When saving for old age, be sure to lay up a few pleasant thoughts.

A small boy went to school for the first time. When he came home, he was asked what school was like.

"Nothing much happened," explained the little boy,"except that some lady didn't know how to spell 'cat.' I told her."

An old gentleman in the hospital refused to eat a bowl of quivering jello. Pressed for an explanation by the nurse, he replied, "I'm not going to eat anything that's more nervous than I am."

The defendant was standing before the court charged with assault. The prosecutor was badgering him mercilessly. "You have told this courtroom that you didn't hit the plaintiff but you just shoved him a little?"
"That's right," said the defendant.
"Oh, now, is it?" snarled the prosecutor. "I want you to come down off the witness stand right now and show the jury just how hard you 'shoved' the plaintiff."
The defendant stepped down, doubled the prosecutor over with a hard blow to the stomach, bloodied his nose, and said, "Ladies and gentlemen --about one-tenth that hard."

Salesman: "Yes, sir! You only put down a tiny deposit, then you don't pay another penny for six months."
Suprised prospect: "Who told you about us?"

--watch for self-pity and strive for self-forgetfulness.
--watch for self-importance and strive for modesty.
--watch for dishonesty and strive for honesty.
--watch for resentment and strive for forgiveness.
--watch for jealousy and strive for trust.
--watch for laziness and strive for activity.
--watch for procrastination and strive for promptness.
--watch for insincerity and strive for straightforwardness.
--watch for false pride and strive for simplicity.
--watch for false pride and strive for simplicity.
--watch for hate and strive for love.

Thanks, Mom. You taught me well. I love you.

Peephole is a humorous look at the events that shape this town and our miserable, pointless lives. Peephole promises to be an equal opportunity offender and is guaranteed to be 97.2% fact free.

All characters used are fictional. Any similarities between them and somone in the real world of this fine community are purely circumstancial.

So accept it and stop your complaining. How many times do I have to tell you dunderheads: ITS ALL A JOKE, DAMN IT!

• Letters to the Ed-itor
• The Further Adventures of Super Wal-Marts
• You Know You're From Monroe County When...
• The Peephole's Court
• Top 10 Things Overheard By A Homeowner Next To The Ridge
• Monroe County Residency Test
• Monroe County Guys Top 10 Hottest Women

Coming In Future Issues of Peephole The Grand Masters of Kloepper Give Tips, Top 10 Complaints of Local School Boards, Anonymous Student Talks About Sex Ed, Local Expert Shows You How To Grow Sign Farm, How To Drink Heavily In Front of Your Kids, Confession of Brown Schweiger Addict, Learn How To Turn Sinkholes Into Subdivisions And Profit...and much, much, more, including our exclusive continuing coverage of the Super Wal-Marts controversy and its effect on Sterritt's Run.

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Peephole Is:

Even though it is offered for sale at a local eating and drinking establishment where Mr. Wienhoff works, Peephole is in no way affiliated with JV's, the world famous, establishment in Waterloo. This is directed to certain city officials who I would rather Not - ter mention.